Welcome to my journal. There are two "main filters" to this journal, so friends requests should include which you're interested in having access to.

One is for bdsm, ds and some poly, the other is for life, parenting, grad school, work rants, the usual stuff.

About me
30, married to a_triath, mama to a 4 year old little monsterbutt. a_triath and I have been together for 11 years, and have been married for 7 of that. We are best friends, and are still very much in love with each other.. We're both active in the local SCA group, though we play very rarely at the Kingdom level. I'm working on my MA in anthropology, and hope to finish that up... well.. when I write my thesis. when my school confers their degrees this summer. *grin* a_triath is a computer geek and professional EMT.

We're both raging, educated liberals, and I rant pretty regularly about politics, so be warned. I'm pro-gay marriage, pro-choice (but more pro-safer-sex-education so that women can make educated decisions about their fertility), pro-legalization of pot (I'm actually HIGHLY allergic to the stuff, but let's be honest, I'd rather deal with a stoner than a drunk), pro-universal health care, and pro-ensuring that EVERYONE has shelter/food/education. That being said, I AM a capitalist, I do believe that if you work your ass off you deserve to be rewarded with BETTER food and shelter (I really think that education is NOT something that should be dependent on income)..

So that is who I am, and what you're getting if you want to friend me.. :)

A few notes on being friended, particularly to the kinky filter.

- I will NOT friend ANYONE under the age of 18 to that filter, which means you MUST have your FULL birthday on your user info page. (Obviously if we're friends in the real world and I know you're over 18, you don't need to add it).

- Being my friend does not guarantee you access to the kink filter. Nor does being denied access to the kink filter mean that I don't like you. It just means that for whatever reason, I do not feel comfortable sharing that part of me with you.

- if you found this journal because I friended you, it's because you interest me for some reason or another. Feel free to friend me back, or not.. Just because I find you interesting does not mean that you will find me equally so, I won't be offended. :)

- That being said, if you ask me to friend you, I expect that you will reciprocate.

- This is my journal, I reserve the right to say no.. I am doing it more often just due to the size of my friends list and an inability to really feel like I'm doing justice to the friends I already have.

- If you have an empty journal, or a journal empty of everything but cam-whoring the answer will very likely be (can you see this coming?), No.

- If you have a journal that is *nothing* but scene reports and the use of 3rd person to describe yourself, sorry, but you have absolutely nothing to offer, I'm looking for friends, not wank material.

seriously.. Click my babies, come on, ya' know you wanna.. :D

Copy this sentence into your livejournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by the bigots who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

--

If this is surprising, you don't know me very well.. ;)

that was honorably done... and reminds me of the man I liked in 2000.

I sat watching the numbers, staring at 207 as 11 o'clock hit.. Knowing what CA brought, and what the odds were of him losing CA.. and I still hadn't allowed myself to hope.

I can't say much right now.. For about a billion reasons this thrills me.

But I posted this today on, uhm, an online news site that I read some when I need a "non-stressful" news source (I'm a liberal, huffpo is like sitting in a coffee shop on the pedestrian walkway in town listening to college students, it's just very low stress it's not my primary news source or my favorite even, but... it's comfy like a good pair of jeans).. and I think it sums up my feelings on this really really well...

--

It's not about Obama.. It's about his call for Americans to become responsible for the greatness of this country. McCain and Palin want to scare us into believing that someone else can take away what makes this country great, as though it were an inherent blessing from above. What makes this country great is our constitution, trashed by the soon to be over (one way or the other) administration... Is how hard we work (something that people have forgotten on BOTH sides of the aisle ;))... And how much faith we have in... the ability of America to be better, not just bigger and louder but substantively MORE, than the rest of the world, because of the American People. Or at least that is why I am voting for Obama/Biden today. It's not him, not exactly, but how he sees this country, and how he can help this country see itself once again.

It's late.. I'm trying to stay up because I like going to bed with Greg, but I think at this point, I'm heading bedwards and when he comes down, well, I'll snuggle up against him if I hear him crawl into bed. :( I don't like going to bed apart.. (Yes, we go to bed together 11 days out of 14..).. (as I was wrapping up, he came up, yeahh!!)

I'm tired of politics.. I'm trying to write a letter to the editor, and honestly it's exhausting digging up the defensible documentation, just in that "my god, what the fuck!" sort of way... (Yeah I'm tired of politics and then proceed to ramble about it).

For the record, for those who don't see me every day.. I have had protest votes.. Kerry was as much about getting Bush out of the white house as it was about getting Kerry in.. (though I liked Kerry well enough). This election for me, is not a protest vote. I *really* have hope for Obama. I actually think he's a really good balance of visionary/hard worker/realist. I've read through a number of non-partisan reviews of his economic/tax plans and McCains.. I've talked to my parents (they own a small business that makes good but not amazing money and have struggled with getting health care for their employees for years, so they are my "how will this affect small businesses" gauge since they're too large for a lot of the "if you have two employees and make less than 500,000/yr this doesn't apply to you" sort of clauses, but small enough that economic fuck ups could kill the store, and their retirements, honestly I need to check in with them after everything this week)..

I feel, and they agree, that Obama's plans are the ones that will help Americans. He's not calling for socialism.. Yes, he's calling for regulation, but at what point will the hard core free-market folks realize, if left to its own devices, the market is a greedy soulless beast who doesn't care about people. His plan will not continue to tax the middle class in the same way he taxes the wealthy. Between my husband and I, we make a pretty good living and you know what? Raise my taxes if it means children will no longer die because they cannot gt health care... If it means that kids will get a real education. I have more, I will STILL have more after paying my taxes. and Americans will be stronger because of it... And by extension? America will be stronger.

Obama respects the IDEALS of this country. his response to Ms. Palin's snarky comment that he'd rather read the rights to terrorists was beautiful... here, I'll share it if you missed it.

"What I have also said is this: that when you suspend habeas corpus -- which has been a principle, dating before even our country, it’s the foundation of Anglo-American law -- which says, very simply, if the government grabs you, then you have the right to at least ask, 'Why was I grabbed?' and say, 'Maybe you’ve got the wrong person.'

"The reason you have that safeguard, is because we don't always have the right person. We don’t always catch the right person. We may think this is Mohammed the terrorist, it might be Mohammed the cab driver. You may think it’s Barack the bomb thrower, but it might be Barack the guy running for president.

"The reason that you have this principle is not to be soft on terrorism, it’s because that’s who we are," Obama said as the crowd rose to its feet, applauding. "That’s what we’re protecting. Don’t mock the Constitution! Don’t make fun of it! Don’t suggest that it’s un-American to abide by what the founding fathers set up! It’s worked pretty well for over 200 years!

THAT is the man I want in the white house. That is a man who loves America.. and I honestly, truly believe this isn't just about him (You sort of have to have a bit of an ego to run for the position, so I think he does (but so does Biden, McCain, Palin and everyone else who was in the running prior to the nominations)).

So yeah. For me? This isn't a protest vote. This is a vote to bring America back to what it is supposed to be... Better. Not just stronger or richer, but actually, honestly BETTER. Of a higher quality, held to stronger standards. THAT is what I think Obama can bring back.. Or help us remember, which is I think more accurate.

Okay, so I haven't commented on Palin yet or Obama's acceptance speech, which I know is very unlike me.

So first off. As a draw for the PUMAs. Anyone stupid enough to be drawn in by this and vote for McCain simply because he picked a woman? Quite frankly deserves their administration. Unless you are a raging conservative who just wanted to see a woman in the white house, you cannot support them both. It's that simple, their policies pretty much disagree across the board. And if you make your determination of voting based on the ownership of a penis or vagina? Then please let me know, because then I know to not trust your judgement going forward.

Harsh? Yes. But it is my honest assessment of the attempt to drawn in disaffected Hillary voters by picking a complete unknown from a small state (in terms of populace, not in terms of size obviously) whose policies stand about as far from Hillary's as you can get.

As for the relevance of her teenage daughter getting knocked up. Does the poor kid deserve to have a big glaring spot light on her right now? No, she doesn't. She deserves to go through this time quietly, figuring out for herself and with her soon-to-be-husband how to be a family and be grown ups long before they should have had to. BUT. Her mother is running for the vice presidency of the United States. No one would have cared about a bilionaire's daughter getting married in Crawford, TX, or having her purse stolen in whichever Carribean nation it was if her last name wasn't Bush. You, to a point, lose the right to claim privacy when you choose to walk into the public sphere in this way. The other piece of why this is definitely relevant - as vice president, she helps to set the agenda (well, okay do I think for a second that McCain will let her actually have any power? No.), and her agenda is pro-abstinence-only. And guess what? Her own daughter has proven why saying "Just don't have sex" *doesn't work*. Kids will have sex, the question is are they doing it safely. Is abstinence the safest and best option? YES. You have a pretty much 0 chance of STDs and pregnancy if you just plain don't engage in risky behavior, BUT.. I've said it before, I'll say it again, if there is anything the human race is talented at, it is finding new and interesting ways to get its collective rocks off. So as a reflection of the failure that is her sex-ed policy? Then yes, it is ABSOLUTELY relevant, though bashing the poor kid is absolutely unnecessary, and it doesn't reflect poorly on Mrs. Palin that Ms. Palin had sex, just that one has to assume she didn't know how to prevent pregnancy, or thought that using condoms and Birth Control pills were sinful/dangeous*..

On to the Mommy card that is being played by some. Is it sexist to say that as a mother she has a greater duty to her children than her spouse? Yeah, it is. No one has wondered if Obama can do it with two young daughters. Course, he has 2, not 5 (okay 4 at home, soon to be 6 (Bristol's child + the Baby Daddy), and none of his are sick. Quite frankly, I would think that Obama had something wrong with him if he were back in the office a day after his wife gave birth and he weren't facing international issues that needed immediate responses.... I would question his choices if he went after the white house with a very sick child. So yes, if he were in HER situation, I WOULD ask the same questions of his suitability for the job.

So on to other issues, sex ed is covered.

Rabidly anti-choice, to the point that she once said if her own daughter was raped she would still be anti-choice. That very reason is why my otherwise fairly conservative father (I'm the middle of 3 girls between he and my (step)Mom) is pro-choice.

Rabidly pro-gun (hush up Brian, I know your stance on this). I'm not anti-gun, but I am a fan of putting some controls in place (and yes, that means I'm not a fan of automatic weapons being in the hands of any old joe schmoe on the street).

She's not overtly hugely intelligent design driven, though she does think both should be taught in school... So she gets a half point on that one..

She's anti-same-sex marriage (though she claims to have good friends who are gay... wow that must sound familiar to the civil rights activists of the 60s working with racial issues). She did vote down a measure that would have denied benefits to same sex couples in '06, although she said it was due to a decision from the state supreme court that it was unconstitional. Another half point there, or maybe a quarter point since it was grudgingly vetoed.

She has -0- international experience, and -0- national experience.

She once said when asked about the pledge and the inclusion of Under God, that if it was good enough for the founding fathers it was good enough for her. (Uhmmm.. the pledge was written in the 19th century, Under God was added in the 1950s, so you want to tell me what that has to do with the founding fathers of this nation?)

She has been described as an every day kind of soccer mom, "one of us". (well, not one of me, but the republican ideal of the American people). I am a reasonably smart woman. I have balanced getting an education (and I'm more educated than she is) and motherhood and f/t work, with well, reasonable if not fantastic success. I follow politics fairly closely. Based on what I have heard her say I am MUCH smarter (yep, I said it) than Sarah Palin.

I am nowhere near intelligent enough to be one 72 year olds heart-beat away from the presidency

So there ya' go. I think that she is the last nail in the coffin of McCain's stance as a cross-party maverick, which he's been trashing over the last few years anyway. He picked perhaps the most conservative person he could, who was female and had no experience whatsoever (and yet they're still bashing Obama, go figure). He has shown VERY little respect for Hillary's supporters, assuming that they would follow the skirt no matter who was wearing it. I find it quite frankly offensive. I seriously dislike Condie, and she would make me less angry as a choice.

Either way? This changes very little about my plans, I was never going to vote for McCain, and after Obama's acceptance speech, I have never been this energized about a campaign. Obama's acceptance speech had me in *tears*. THe man is erudite, he made references to pop culture (the "he just doesn't get it" is almost straight out of The American President), *and* literature (there was a Raisin in the Sun reference as well). I want him in the white house. badly. Is it possible that he is a dumb visionary with no common sense, yeah, there is.. But if he were totally a dumb visionary he wouldn't have picked Biden, he would have gone for Gore, or another crazy visionary type. Is it possible that he's just a slimy politician and is saying what liberals want to hear then will promptly do nothing about them, or never find the money for them? Yep, it's possible.

But I have hope. I have hope in our government for the first time in 8 years. I have hope that there is someone who actually cares about the good of the American people, not the American people who agree with hm, but *all* American people. I have hope that we can change the damage to our civil liberties, to our international reputation, to the ideals upon which this nation was founded. And that's something I haven't felt in a long time.


*As events over the last few years have proven, BCPs CAN be dangerous (one blood clot and one round of bleeding so serious someone who was not pregnant thought she was having a miscarriage.. Folks, avoid seasonale, it was annoying for me, but jesus. In essentially 13 years on the pill (I was off for about a year right around Fi) I have never known someone who had major problems with BCPs... Until now.

This is an open letter to that 30% of Hillary's supporters who are threatening to vote for McCain ONLY because Hillary didn't get the nomination.

*HOW* Can someone say that they support Hillary Clinton and the platform on which she stands, then turn around and say BECAUSE they support Hillary, they'll vote for McCain?!

WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with these people?!

Seriously.

Do they think that there is ANY chance WHATSOEVER that most democrats would put up with 4 more years of McCain and give Hillary even a CHANCE at taking the White House in '12? Because it won't happen. If her followers decide to split the party and put us through 4 more years of republican bullshit? They will quickly find Hillary as well liked by most liberals as Nader is today, for the same damned reason.

If you believe that the democratic platform is the one we need in the white house than stop your fucking bitching, get behind Obama, and look forward to '12 and let's aim for a woman in '16. Will some of you be dead? YEP, might just be. But your daughters and granddaughters will see a woman in the white house, if we don't put the party that stands behind traditional gender roles (and thus silent, subservient, heterosexual wives) into permanent power in this country.

I do NOT understand who in their right mind can support Hillary's goals and then say that they'll vote for McCain... ? Look, if you don't like Obama because you don't like his platform, then by all means vote for Bush Jr... or senior... Oh, wait, I know, Bush 3.0. If you *honestly* think that he will be a better president, and better for the country, then by all means vote for him. But I think you're a NUMBNUT if you were supporting Hillary and are now saying McCain is the next best option. But if the ONLY reason you're voting for McCain is to get back at the Democratic party and to get her the nod in '12, let me make this perfectly clear.

IT. WON'T. HAPPEN.

point blank.

And in the meantime, you will be responsible for throwing this country into 4 more years of hell because you have to have your fucking temper tantrum. thanks for that. Really.

jackasses.

Okay, this is one of those things that makes me want to smack people.

If you haven't heard, there are a number of school presidents who are proposing that we lower the drinking age to 18, because the "underground" nature of it is one of the factors leading to the binge drinking problem on campuses across the country.

I happen to agree, on a number of points.

• If they are old enough to be taken into the military and die for this country, they should be old enough to drink a beer.


• If they are old enough to rent a home, or take out a loan in their own right, they should be old enough to drink a beer.


• If they are old enough to be treated as an adult in a court of law


• The more we say "Oh no, you can't do that" the more they are going to want to, and in cases where it doesn't hurt anyone (the act of drinking hurts no one, if done responsibly, which is a learning process that requires experience (usually bad)), there is NO reason to legislate it. (this is when my libertarian leanings appear).

But this article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121928142497058879.html?mod=googlenews_wsj mentions how the rate of deaths from drunk drivers between 16 and 21 has dropped about 50% since the legal drinking age was made 21...

Oddly enough, in the early 80s drunk driving became a big thing, and in addition to a big press push on the dangers of drunk driving, they raised the drinking age. In the intervening years, the rate in the general population has dropped... do you see it coming? I sure hope so. 50%.

Yeah.

So did raising the drinking age stop underage kids from drinking and driving, or has the general increase in awareness of the dangers of drunk driving just cut the acceptability of going to the bar, or a party, or wherever, drinking and then driving yourself home?

Until you can give me an answer (with proof) of *that* question? Don't tell me that lowering the drinking age would affect this number, because I was a really good kid and I drank PLENTY in college before I turned 21.

I'm turning off comments on this because I'm not sure how *I* would respond, but I would want to, but I don't feel like I'm the person to respond to, or that I have a right even to ramble on this, so... In an effort to save that headache, I'm spewing sans comments.. This is me just sort of rambling. Nothing like a good cathartic ramble.

( A 4 year old girl I didn't know died last week from a tumor that her folks didn't know about 5 months ago. )

This is not cut on purpose, if you are pro-life, just skip this, if you don't want to read ranting about reproductive health issues, skip this. But it is too important to me to tuck behind a cut. None of my major news sources have brought this up without some digging, so clearly it needs to get out there.

Okay I haven't exactly been around much (at all), things got a little crazy at work, then I realized how much work a hobby farm really can be, then I realized that my thesis (which I am turning in this summer I'm DONE) is due in less than two weeks (for those counting, it's going in the day before we leave for war).

yeah.

BUT.

This required spreading as broadly as I possibly can, and besides e-mailing my family, here is the best way to do that.

Not surprisingly I'm on the Planned Parenthood mailing list for updates, and one came through today that needed follow up...
--
The Bush administration is about to release a rule that will make it possible for federal funding that is specifically designed to prevent unintended pregnancy and promote reproductive health to now be used for anything but that.

If it happens, it will be a massive betrayal of women and families, and we must stop it. Pei, we need you to speak out. Please let President Bush know that this change is very wrong.

A little background on this outrageous situation...

We've known for some time that anti-choice extremists have wanted President Bush to deliver them some sort of "gift" before he leaves office. This rule change is just that gift. And here's what one of the most egregious results could be:

* Right now, anti-choice groups run so-called "crisis pregnancy centers" in communities all
* around the country — often a block or two away from Planned Parenthood affiliate health
* centers. These facilities look like health centers, but in reality are run by anti-choice
* zealots who deliver only the reproductive health care options that fit their agenda. No birth
* control, no abortion — and no choice for women and families who need it.

* If this rule takes effect, they're likely to receive a massive influx of our tax dollars to
* expand their deceptive operations and to attract hundreds of thousands of women who think
* they'll be getting medical care but instead will receive a large dose of anti-choice ideology.
--

The gist (drawn from various pro-life (yes, I'm a fan of the know your adversary concept of life) and more progressive news sources) is one of two things.
a.) Abortion is being broadened to include anything, medicine or procedure, that terminates a life, which includes prior to implantation. This means that all of the birth control pills that are taken by women who are not actively working to conceive, or confident enough in our charting abilities to track that way, yeah, they are formally going to be daily mini-abortions potentially. (BCPs do block implantation on the off chance that you DO ovulate while on the pill).

yeah. I'm THRILLED with this to begin with.

The second half of this is that anyone receiving federal aid must be willing to hire pro-life doctors and nurses.

Look, if you don't believe in abortion, FINE, then don't go work for planned parenthood, or a clinic that you know provides abortions. It's that simple. I cannot imagine being a young woman in a bind, walking into a planned parenthood office to have an abortion and then having a moralizing nurse commenting on how I was ending this precious life inside of me. Honestly, being me it would just make me mad and I'd tell them to go fuck themselves in the head with a claymore, but... I'm fairly pigheaded.

The point being, not only are they opening up women who are making an already tough decision (and I cannot imagine anyone making this decision easily or lightly), to further stress and creating shame that may not be there (as there is nothing to be ashamed OF).

Including birth control in this issue just.... adds the icing to the whole debate.

I get riled enough about any infringement on my right to decide for myself when I do (or don't) carry a child to term. Would I terminate a pregnancy? No. I'm also 30, married to my best friend, and doing reasonably well financially. I am sort of the poster child for the "Okay, not what I WANTED right now, but... I don't feel like this would ruin my life either" situation. But to start saying that an organization whose entire purpose is to ensure affordable access to family planning services (of ALL varieties) that they have to hire someone who feels that everything they are offering to their patients is inherently sinful? It makes absolutely NO fucking sense. To add birth control to this, looking not just at the pro-life boogie man of female bodily integrity and freedom, just.. Floors me.

This nation has already proved what not teaching kids about birth control does to pregnancy and STD rates. Wonder what making birth control even harder to access will do to the pregnancy (and by extension abortion, including "back-alley" botched abortions as they get harder to access) rates*.


*Obviously female birth control will in no way shape or form affect STDs, and I am a firm advocate that those who are not in (I'd say monogamous here, but it's not the right word. something more like having-sex-with-no-one-but-established-partner(s) is) and long-term committed relationship(s) with individual(s) whose sexual history they know and sexual present they trust should absolutely use condoms, preferably in conjunction with BCPs. For their own safety as well as their partner(s).

thank you.. for a beautiful, intelligent, sweet little girl who is healthy, who doesn't hurt, who isn't sick, who gets all she needs to eat.

thank you.. for a husband who is my best friend, who wraps me up in his arms and holds me tight just because I'm me, who is here and healthy, who likes and respects me, as much as I like and respect him.

thank you for a home that is warm and dry, for a bed that is soft, for a place to sit with my family and share food and laughter.

thank you for food enough that I have to watch what I eat to keep from getting chubby.

thank you for a country that, for all of its many many many flaws, is at peace.

thank you.

Not that I think it will make any difference, but I just sent a letter to Sen. Clinton's campaign... I like Hillary, always have. I want to see a woman in the Oval Office during my life time so bad I can taste it.. But.. It's time to stop.

( please stop and let this party heal and the country focus on keeping McCain OUT )

( Why neocons piss me off, and the thing that frustrates me about their depictions of we liberals: or, a response to the lies told about hippies. Or, National Pride, Marriage, Abortions and Israel, oh my! )

Wow, that was kind of cathartic.

I was parked next to a minivan with a Mike Huckabee bumper sticker and it made me all ranty... (yes, just the fact that someone honestly would vote for the lunatic left me that ranty, I was sort of surprised too. lol)

Anyway.. It's 11:30, and tomorrow morning will be me getting miss monster butt out on my own (who is, I think, healthy enough to go to school finally this week (maybe?), YEAH!), because..... Greg's sick as a dog. The perk of being me, I have a screwy stomach, and I get sinus infections at the drop of the hat, but I rarely get REALLY sick. Unlike Greg, who is healthy most of the time and then gets kicked in the ass when he does get sick. My immune system is lazy, but once it gets moving it's pretty burly. :)

*headdesk* I think we need to replace the sign out on the front (actually it needs work, my device has peeled off on one side, oops) and replace the 'hold name with "Plaguehouse, avoid at all costs, unless you are planning on pickling yourself with booze to ensure that bugs won't survive in your bloodstream"... But that might be too long. :)

( this is public because I think it's important. See the title, click if you are so inclined based on that, keeping in mind that although I have no problem with being disagreed with - I go into this with a particularly low opinion of the importance of sports on a global level, and feel that the likelihood that they actually  )

Second half of my musing ramble on involvement..

So as I was driving to the supermarket last night to pick up my epi pen (yeah, I called my doc to ask about testing her smallness in case it was genetic and I was scolded for never having mentioned this before (I'm sorry, doctors ask if I have allergies and I think thinks likely to be in medicines they're going to prescribe, don't think about that one time in high school I got stung by a wasp and was nauseous, dizzy, and had tunnel vision and so on). ANYWAY, and I was beating myself up. I was on the road for a good hour last night? it's the only thing about living where we do that makes me sad, there's no convenient way (and by convenient I mean "Doesn't involve a 25 minute walk in potentially freezing weather with a toddler") to bus into town, get the kidlet to school, and get us to work... And god forbid we need to run errands after work. Though this town is great in providing mass transit, it's all on such screwball schedules if you have to run from A to B, with a stop at C. You end up spending a LOT of time on the bus.

And last night I was thinking to myself "And that's bad because?"

Time is the one thing I'm selfish about. I don't mind buying my clothes second hand, I find good stuff, and look good (I'm assuming that the more blunt of my friends would have no problem telling me otherwise) and *not* like I'm a thrift shop junkie (woo hoo for my $17 Anne Taylor suit that I look SPECTACULARLY professional and hot in). I don't mind spending the extra money that could be going to frivolous purchases on organic, local, small production items that support real people and not just megacorps. I don't even mind the headache of NOT grabbing a paper towrl or plastic sandwich bag, wrapping things in cloth or using towels like they're going out of fashion (course, then those have to be washed, so.. is that *really* helping?) (though I guess since I'm on a well and septic system, the water ends up in the same place at the end of the day (well, technically it's the other side of the house, but you know what I mean). I like keeping chickens and gardening, and am disturbingly fond of our composting worms.

But my time.. THAT I'm a selfish bint about. And it's something that echoes throughout my life.. I always feel like I simply don't have enough time.. And so anything that cuts into it becomes an issue for me. I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one hand some of the downsides (such as the issue with public transport most days) really bug me. On the other hand, you know, the things I DO want to spend my time on ARE the important things.

My husband, my daughter, our friends-who-are-family... These are things that it's worth trying to save time for.

The problem is that you really *can't* save time. You get 24 hours in a day. If you don't spend them all doing the things you want, you don't get to bank away a few extra hours here and there.

dunno what all this means. just rambling.. should get some work done now.

Stupid game addictions.

Okay. 1. Greg introduced me to Portal.

he's a bastard, had I mentioned that? I REALLY, REALLY love puzzles. This game is bloody dangerous.

in addition to this I've found a few new games that I thought I'd share with everyone, because I'm a brat.

www.alaunt.com - fun fantasy mmorpg.. So far the community hasn't seemed vicious (YEAH!), takes a fair amount of attention though.

www.renaissancekingdoms.com - played this one last year, had fun, fell out of the ability to play, gone back, still having fun!

Then there is human-age *headdesk* technically it should only be a few minutes a day (really there isn't much to do, only downside), but it's pretty people free (for those like Greg who don't like the communities of MMORPGs), and surprisingly fun to try to "grow" your cavewoman (I'm only level 1, you go from Caveman to Modern human. So far it's a pretty slow game, it goes real time, and stuff only happens once a day, so it is frustrating in that sense, but.. I also see how if you took more time to get into the community it would be a lot of fun (I haven't had a chance yet). It is surprisingly addicting though, even as slow as it is.. A lot of fun!

Because I'm a cheeseball, here's the link if anyone is interested:

Virtual human development game



www.human-age.com

(and yes, I'm still playing Gothador for those who are curious - speaking of, Ash, are you playing too still, or no? I was thinking about christmas presents.. ;)).

These all have "bonuses" for signing people up, so if any appeal, please do say that I sent you. :) (me = Muirenn on all of them)

That's all! :)

We're hitting Joann's on our way home today to pick up some heavy duty canvas.

I am making us a series of canvas bags, and we're going to actually get off our duffs and make sure that after we bring in groceries, they go back to the car to be reused.

(if anyone local wants to come over sunday afternoon after the event and make a few I'm planning on picking up a decent amount of canvas, let me know if you want me to get a few yards for you and we can do a sewing circle. I need to do thesis work later in the day, but after event clean up, I can take a few hours to cut out and sew squares and rectangles.)

In addition to everything that washes up on Long Beach Island and Sandy Hook in Jersey (the beaches I know best) and every other beach on the planet.... There is an area in the pacific twice the size of TX where there is more plastic in the water than zooplankton. Animals starve to death because they've eaten so much un-digestible plastic that they can't actually eat enough REAL food to gain nutrients. And this is only one of the *5* such locations in the world's oceans.

You know there are plastic problems, you know it's getting worse, but sometimes, you don't realize how bad until something is pointed out, that suddenly puts it all into perspective. It's funny, the longer I'm on the planet, the more convinced I am that we have to, as a population change how we live our lives. Becoming aware of the cost of our hubris that we could manage the problems inherent in modern living. But it is becoming increasingly clear that we can't. Big business cannot regulate itself, because it doesn't. There is no profit in it. And as long as we remain so wrapped up in "stuff" it just gets worse.

When it becomes more about the money than the heart - there is something seriously, SERIOUSLY fucking wrong with the world. It's easy to see why so many liberals, activists and environmentalists over time turn into very angry people. It's hard not to. Between a guilt for the damage you add to the problem, anger that so many people are more concerned about that bottom line than the long-term implications of what they are doing to the planet.

It's heart breaking. I mean actively and truly heart breaking.

I feel like we're trying and we're still not doing enough, but I look at how many of my coworkers and friends have teased us about how we're trying to rework our lives and it horrifies me. Because it means everything we do (which is nowhere near enough!) is considered laughable to these huge swatches of the population.

*sigh*

It's crushing after a while when I think about it. And I'll be the first to admit that right now I'm in a bit of a low point over other things, but.. Even were I not, this would have thrown me.

Anyway, to get a sense of what I'm talking about, for those who are so inclined.

http://www.bestlifeonline.com/cms/publish/travel-leisure/Our_oceans_are_turning_into_plastic_are_we_2.shtml

( some long term thoughts/goals back here )

I was feeling very overwhelmed with my LJ, and the universe, and have been in heavy hide mode.

You all probably noticed I have not been around much at all for about a month.

I spent the last 3 days catching up on the last 1000 LJ posts (specifically it started at -1000 on Wednesday or Thursday, and probably ended up actually reading something like 1600 total posts.

I need to cut back on my friends list, I've been meaning to do it for some time.

So I just did it, based on who I found myself excited to catch up with, and who I tended to skim.

To those who were cut, this isn't a sign that I don't think you are a good or interesting person if you didn't make the cut, just that at this point, I need to cut back my friends list to the people I feel the strongest bond with. If you really feel strongly about arguing this, feel free to respond and talk to me about it, but... Yeah.

OI.

Okay, this is one of those "inspired by stupid_free" kind of posts.

the cf_hardcore community makes stupid_free pretty often because a lot of what they say is REALLY DAMNED FUNNY (seriously, there are some sane folks over there who just really don't want kids, but the nuts are REALLY nuts).

And I (for some masochistic reason) go read the posts at cf_hardcore

I don't know why, I know what will happen every single time.

My blood pressure goes up. A lot.

It's not that they don't want kids (a number of you don't want kids and I totally respect that, I think you miss out on things, but so do I because I chose to be a parent, it's a give and take, and I totally respect your decision to not have sprog(s)). It's that they are as rabidly anti-child, terrified of parents, particularly mothers oddly enough, since so many of them seem to be women who are horrified at the patriarchal expectation of having children (really I sort of thought it was genetically required for the continuation of the species, but maybe it's just about men keeping us down*)..

I don't take my kid to my favorite *nice* restaurants, because the point of places like that is a quiet leisurely meal that you can enjoy with a nice glass of wine and savor the food and ambiance... And at a place where the food is THAT good, having a child present is NOT conducive to savoring ANYTHING.

But you know what, if I take my kid to Chili's, you'd better not fucking glare at me. I keep her in her seat, if she goes to the potty she's holding my hand the whole time we're walking to the potty, and when she does the (I think insanely cute but recognize others don't see it that way) looking over the walls and such at strangers intently thing, I stop her. I know that not all parents choose to do these things, but do not assume that because I am a parent, I will.

I totally understand not wanting kids, they're a lot of work and I think it's a really responsible decision to simply say that you don't want to do it if you don't want to... BUT..

The degree to which some of these people take their absolute hatred of parents and children however is just shy of pathological. Don't like badly behaved kids, don't like parents who don't do their job, but for fuck sake, loathing an entire age range, and anyone who *dares* to want a family is positively STUPID.

*The state of motherhood has been used as a tool of gendered oppression, however the act of carrying a child to term and giving birth is NOT, it's a biological function.

There is no moral ambiguity on a few points.

You want to fuck children, even if you don't do it, GET HELP.

YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM.

It is not just "how you are wired." It is not just "an innocent fantasy."

YOU ARE FUCKING SICK.

What adults do in the privacy of their bedroom, I will defend. What teenagers (and those within 5-6 years of being a teenager, I'll defend 16 and 21 or 17 and 22) do in the privacy of their own bedrooms, I will defend.

But when an adult acknowledges to wanting to have sex with pre-pubescent children, and then argues that it is innocent, or that those children are capable of giving actual consent - it is absolute fucking bullshit.

I am against the death penalty, but I have no fucking problem with permanent chemical castration (I'd say straight up castration, but more and more often it's not just men admitting/acting on these urges, so clearly just removing the penis won't necessarily fix anything).

If you force yourself on a child for your own sexual release, you have lost your rights to privacy, to peace - just as you ripped it from that child.

Point. Fucking. Blank.

Society treats women's bodies like crap. If you don't look like Kate Moss, you're fat.

If you're fat then you're lazy, or unmotivated, or depressed or whatever. Now they're saying that you'll spread your evil fat germs to your friends.

I am assuming that everyone agrees that this is BULLSHIT (okay eating habits, like all habits, can spread within friend and family groups, but the attitude behind it is bullshit).

Yes, there are people who have let themselves get too heavy, and it's a health issue in those cases. And America is having an epidemic right now of health problems as a result of bad eating habits. Though I would argue (like so fucking much in this country) that our obsession with an unhealthy lifestyle (TOO skinny) triggers an extreme reaction of "Fuck it, I'll never look like that, so why bother!" which is part of the problem.

Obviously so is McDonalds, and Hungry Man and a whole host of other crappy food products that we put into our bodies.

But for most people, bodies come in a whole range of sizes.

But having said all this.

Being blessed with a high metabolism - DOESN'T MAKE ME STUPID, NOR DOES IT MAKE ME WILLING TO BE THE WHIPPING BOY FOR PEOPLE'S ISSUES WITH SOCIETAL EXPECTATIONS OF WEIGHT.

*laughs* Every single "women's thoughts" or "let's band together as women" forward ever seems to imply that if you're skinny then you're stupid or evil, or a traitor to femininity. Look, your issues with how society treats your body? Doesn't give you the right to make assumptions about me based on mine. I got REALLY lucky in the genetic gamble in terms of body, I'm slender, with long limbs for my height and have some fairly nice curves.. And I have this all without exercising, ever. And liking cheese, and cookies and ice cream, and pizza, and and and.. And I'm not going to feel guilty about that fact, and it doesn't make me a "bad" woman.

This is my body, I try to eat healthy most of the time, I'd say I try to exercise, but well, I don't, though I try to stay active without going down that path (I rather hate exercise with a passion.. I like moving, I don't like hurting (all of you on the other filters, hush)). But I take pretty decent care of it. I assume other women do the same.

Skinny people do not all hold the opinion that they are the sexiest body type out there (I don't!) and so are not necessarily the cause of the societal attitude. (No more obviously than any of you are the cause of these kinds of comments against skinny people, this is a *very* general rant).

(btw, I'm not mad at anyone, just got ranty after I ran into this, and wanted to rant! :D)

and talking about bodies. Did you know that a corset w/ no under fabric (i was in a hurry and half-asleep this morning) over a body riddled with mosquito bites itches like a bloody god damned mother fucker?! *nods* well, now ya' do. :D

(posted publicly so people who stumble into me don't think I'm all curse laden rants and political frustration, though I am that too)..

There is simply never enough time to read.

Ever.

*shrugs*

Days could last 30 hours, and I wouldn't have to sleep or do anything, and it still wouldn't be enough time.

I picked up Stardust (only other reading option at work is Lovecraft, and I need light and happy today, or at least a little silly, and Gaiman is good for that), since I randomly had seen an ad for the movie of the same name last night, or the night before and said "Hey, is this what the movie is based off of?" (and yes, I checked IMDB when I got back to my desk, so I know it is)..

What a wonderful story, Tristran just kissed the pretty fairy girl w/ no name (short lunch today so I can slip out at 4:30 so after getting food, getting book, checking IMDB I had about 10 minutes to read lol).

And now I must return to the status of our retirees, and whether they are returning to work (or retirement if they've been active again) and juggling their benefits accordingly.

Somehow it seems very pale compared to Wall.

But, then, I tend to find the real world rather pale if I read good fantasy no matter what I do. (We've discussed that Narnia is the most real of all the fantasy worlds for me, but really, they all have more sparkle than the real world)..

I do sometimes wonder if conservatives aren't sort of right (shock!)... Fantasy *is* bad for kids (and grownups) because it does make us realize how boring reality is, and make us want to find that magic.

But then.. It's sort of depressing, but doesn't it give a little more joy to a childhood if you're always peeking behind rose bushes to see if that sparkle was a fairy or just a drop of water.. And when all you see is the remains of the previous evenings shower, you realize that the drop of water (as mundane as it is) is awfully beautiful sitting on that rose leaf, all sparkly... Even if it's not a fairy *sigh*.

So it's not all bad to live at the edge of a fantasy world (so long as you can put it aside for the necessary number of hours a day for school or work enough to actually get your work done and make a living).. But it does make the real world awfully dry.

( the below talks about labia, a little about sex, but is actually *NOT* a sex post, so I'm cutting it so folks have the opportunity to not read it, but.. It's vanilla, just... talks about genitalia )

wheeeee for stupid people and their labia.